Binary

Posted: March 20, 2019 in Uncategorized

We live in the land of the binary.

Be male or female no in-between. Just black and white no gray.

When you fight back and say you are different you just get turned down.

All we ask is for acceptance of self. Look here I’m different and gray and it is fine. Why must I be stuck in your ways I always ask. I bend the rules never break and find loop holes.

This binary world is burning to the ground with new thinking. Of non-binary, queer, gray, rainbow thinking.

The binary and brackets of life are fading and changing. This new age is coming slowly but every day progresses for change of a better way where all are included.

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Lost in time

Posted: March 20, 2019 in Uncategorized

Time ebbs and flows around me

Going from past, present, and future in a second.

I seem to be lost in time once again

Looking at my past wishing I could change a few things and know I can’t

In the present dreaming of the future

Hoping for better times but knowing dark days are just on the horizon as well

This warrior of time , thinking about all the days of past in the present to bring on my future

Thinking of all the choices I made

Thinking of the man I have become and will continue to become

Seeing that I don’t blend into the norms of society

Forever a beautiful outcast

Blue eyes

Posted: March 9, 2019 in Uncategorized

Blue eyes why you crying

The past is the past

It keeps on dying

Let go of it all

Stop crying

Everything will pass

And you will be fine again

Blue eyes stop your crying

Security Guard

Posted: March 6, 2019 in Uncategorized

So I am blessed with a new job. First week has gone well. I am a security guard for Securitas and work at a truck stop in Ontario,CA. It can get slow at times working swing shift and during the weekdays I have to take a 3 hour bus ride on three buses to get to work and get there an hour early and just chill. So work is work and I am enjoying it and just hope this one lasts longer then my last job. Here is to 2019.

On the Bus

Posted: February 6, 2019 in Uncategorized

Slowly rolling down the streets

I think to myself I hope I have done enough

Enough to get this new job. Going through all thier hops.

As my wife drops me off early in the morning and I get everything squared away with the secretary with my paperwork.

Call my doctor to make sure his paper work has gone through just to be able to use a computer for work instead of hand writting.

Hope that he fills out the paperwork soon so I can finally start my job.

Paperwork and more paperwork holding me back for being a working man once again because I say to much or have to prove my authentic self over and over again.

All the legalities that are my bumps in the road just to work again.

Hoping that all the pieces come together so I can finally get back on my feet after months of going no where but down into a deep dark spiral of depression.

Just hoping for the best as I take the bus home.

Voice Update

Posted: December 16, 2018 in Uncategorized

So I was playing on my phone and found an ad for a vocal range so decided to download and give it a try. I learned that my voice went from being a mezzo soprano / contralto aka soprano , alto, to high tenor has changed to a Tenor / Baritone aka High Bass with being on T gel for a year. So happy have same octave range and it has just gotten lower.

Well hello there

Posted: November 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

So it has been a minute since I have wrote last on here. I just use this blog as a sound board of myself ever since I got it up and running. Of my trials , tribulations , and Joys in my life. Be it through poems or long paragraphs.

So what I have noticed with my life as of last year and this year is that it has held a lot of change. Change that I needed to better my authentic self and change that I did not see coming and wish had not happened to me. For I am one that is horrible with change. I enjoy routine and constants of things but I know life is not that organizaied and gets on my nerves sometimes. I know that life is like the changing of weather one moment everything is beautiful and sunshine and maybe a couple clouds overhead and the next thing I know there’s thunder and lightning. See I can deal with weather, I always learn to be prepared. For the rest of my life that’s something entirely different. Sometimes I think I would have figured it all out by now. I get it I’m still young and still learning everything but I thought I learned enough to just get by.

 

I thought that with my 6 to 7 years of travels, that I had figured somethings out. Sure I finally have figured out my authentic self and am at peace sort of with who I am and who I am becoming. As the authentic man I have always been. But there are still so many things that get to me. Like how will I support myself and yet constantly get turned down for a job. Or how to keep myself happy when I think that everything is at a loss. I get it, I’m a work in progress. But sometimes I just feel so shot down at times. Cause I keep trying and trying my hardest and yet it still seems like it is never enough and then damn depression creeps in.