The Injustice of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice

K. Anderson

Correctional Officer II

March  9th 2013

I wake up in the morning to the sound of a chirping bird that is the alarm clock on my phone at 03:50 am to get dressed in my gray monkey suit. I go to the restroom, shave, iron uniform, put it on with black socks with black shinny boots, of bureaucratic bull shit shinning threw. I get my ID, watch, gas holder, sweat rag, and hat off the kitchen table that I have left from the night before. I grab breakfast out of the fridge , give my dog some food and water. Lock her up in her cage for the day, while I am off at work and hope that she doesn’t break find a way to break free like the inmates in administrative segregation at the unit I work; high security, Estelle in Riverside, Texas,USA.

A little back story on me:

I am from Bozeman,MT. A little hick town in the middle of no where. I came from a Marine Corps family and am a head strong smart ass leader due to my family roots and will not stand for bull shit and drama in my life. So, me being that why has lead me into many problems working in high security for the Estelle unit.  I got out of high school tried college at Montana State University for a degree in music and theater and that fell threw the cracks. Then went to the Army recruiter and told him too much and red flagged myself. Thus went with the Navy and that didn’t pan out. Found a girl  in there though and got sent back to Montana. Joined Wally World aka Wal-mart and saved up some cash and came down to Texas to be with her. Was with her and her family for 8 months and that didn’t work out. Her father Sgt. Thompson at the Ellis unit and mom was in Human Resources for 18 years.

So, me being at work has not turned out that great.

For I am a transgender pansexual man.

I am open to every walk of life and am an open book. I have my own personal boundaries but they are far smaller and more flexible then the average person. But if you try to fuck with me, I will fuck you even harder.

So being out in the real world and trying to be me is hard. I understand everyone has their trails and tribulations, but for God’s sake why do mine have to be so God damned hard ?!?

My family that raised me doesn’t really give a fuck about me and just wants me to be the girly girl they envisioned me to be. My mom doesn’t like the way I am but still loves me for me. My dad is kinda happy that he has his SON and my step-mom excepts me for me and just wants me to be happy. Mr. Klovensky doesn’t give a fuck about me other then my money and Ms. Yount fells the same way. I get along with everyone fine in my unit but certain people plus supervisors I do not.

For the past three weeks I have been having it out with Lieutenant Demoss, Sergeant Jordan, and Sergeant Harrison. I don’t trust them with my family problems, personal girlfriend issues or work related issues. I go through my chain of command and try to get my issue across to them all about my issues with Lt. Demoss but it seems that my supervisors / elders don’t give a God damned fuck about the lonely lowly Correctional Officer trying to make it into rank. I understand I am new to the system of Texas. But fuck! All states have about the same regulations on prisoners plus mentally ill people and everyone wishes to be a damned Chief and not an Indian in this tribe of Stupidity. “Life is hard, but it is harder when you are stupid.” An old John Wayne saying my Grandfather John Thomas Cummins Jr. would tell me from his 25 year experience in the marine corps. Going in as a private and climbing up the ladder to Lieutenant colonel and getting kicked out for sticking up for his men before licking the boots of his superior, which I will not do either.

K. Anderson

 

Gender Therapy

I though group therapy was going well for me. But bloody emotions and things that have been pushed to the back of my mind for years and then bring it up and all that trauma surfacing to the top makes someone have an emotional melt down. And I know that is far less except able in a group then one on one therapy setting.

I know I talk to much and I just feel so awkward and lonely in group. For I am such a different guy then all the others. I try to not be a man with an audience of peers. I try to keep my urges of wanting to help another threw my personal experiences and just get help for myself. All I wanted was help to get over all my fears and bull shit aka tape recorders of my family and get free of it all slowly but surely so I could let it go and just be me. And have friends from group and be a part of there life as well as them in mine.

And start finally getting through my emotional transition. *sighs*