Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Well hello there

Posted: November 28, 2018 in Uncategorized

So it has been a minute since I have wrote last on here. I just use this blog as a sound board of myself ever since I got it up and running. Of my trials , tribulations , and Joys in my life. Be it through poems or long paragraphs.

So what I have noticed with my life as of last year and this year is that it has held a lot of change. Change that I needed to better my authentic self and change that I did not see coming and wish had not happened to me. For I am one that is horrible with change. I enjoy routine and constants of things but I know life is not that organizaied and gets on my nerves sometimes. I know that life is like the changing of weather one moment everything is beautiful and sunshine and maybe a couple clouds overhead and the next thing I know there’s thunder and lightning. See I can deal with weather, I always learn to be prepared. For the rest of my life that’s something entirely different. Sometimes I think I would have figured it all out by now. I get it I’m still young and still learning everything but I thought I learned enough to just get by.


I thought that with my 6 to 7 years of travels, that I had figured somethings out. Sure I finally have figured out my authentic self and am at peace sort of with who I am and who I am becoming. As the authentic man I have always been. But there are still so many things that get to me. Like how will I support myself and yet constantly get turned down for a job. Or how to keep myself happy when I think that everything is at a loss. I get it, I’m a work in progress. But sometimes I just feel so shot down at times. Cause I keep trying and trying my hardest and yet it still seems like it is never enough and then damn depression creeps in.












10 months on T

Posted: October 14, 2018 in Uncategorized

So it has been a while since I last updated a lot has changed for me. I got my robotic hysterectomy and feel a hell of a lot better. Got a job and then lost it now looking for a new one. Turning into a werewolf with all my fuzz coming in. My voice is a lot deeper and I can kinda grow out a saggy beard now. I feel so much more comfortable in my skin now a days and am blessed to have medically transitioned so far and get further down my journey of being the authentic me.

4 Months on T

Posted: March 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

So it has been 4 months since I started Testosterone. I am on Androgel which is the gel form of testosterone. I choose to go that way because of my opera voice as well as my body being sensitive to new drugs.  A lot of things have changed for me. I kept my mustache from no shave November and it is no longer peach fuzz . It still is light but has some darkness coming in. I also get dark stubble on my chin and under  my chin and a little on my neck. It comes in patchy so I usually shave it but for this week and the next I’m just going to let it grow out some and see what it looks like and if I don’t like it then I will shave it all off.  Also my voice has dropped noticeably. I didn’t hear it but my friends have and told me I sound way different than before and that my voice has gone from a low alto to a baritone. I have tried singing lately and I can’t hit the high notes that well but am getting a small falsetto. I can sing lower now. I can sing as a low tenor and it is a lot more comfortable for me. Also due to going through second puberty I have gained some acne and I think this stuff has gottenworse than the first time. When I went through puberty the first time I only got acne on my face and it was just a zit here or there and I could get rid of them easily. Well second time around is not that easy. For the acne is on my back and shoulders and sometimes they are hard to reach to clean in the shower. Also I am turning into a fuzzy wazzy. My whole stomach is covered in dark hair and I have an interesting large happy trail now. Have not received any chest hairs yet but I know they will pop up eventually. Also my sex drive has been off the chain.  I have become a teenage boy and I am 25. That is it for the update.


Posted: November 26, 2017 in Uncategorized

I started Tesosterone on Nov. 21,2017.

The (Trans)cendental Tourist

It’s been a weird year for trans people.

Allow me to be more specific: It’s been a heated, daring, tumultuous, graphic, specularizing, aggressive, pointed, contentious, highly fatal, and really, really complicated year for trans people.

Here are a few examples: Kristina Gomez Reinwald, Ty Underwood, Lamia Beard, and many other transwomen of color have been brutally murdered at the hands of lovers, family members, and strangers. Meanwhile, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock have come to fame and exhibited incredible feats of grace, articulation, and poignancy under the gaze of an eager media. Blake Brockington, Leelah Alcorn, Taylor Alesana, and many other transgender youth have committed suicide after enduring endless bullying and systematic brutality. Meanwhile, Jazz Jennings became the new face of Clean & Clear and published a children’s picture book about her life, and teen trans couple Arin Andrews and Katie Hill (best known for “Can You Even Believe They’re Trans?!” types of headlines) wrote and published individual books…

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a gentleman and a scholar

As much as I write about trans issues, particularly those outside of a binary framework, I realised recently that the majority of that writing is about education, media, specific activist events or frameworks.

Not that I think any of that is a bad thing – but it does leave out something that I, and a lot of other trans people, do in our day to day lives – we swap advice on the practicalities of living in a cissexist, transphobic world.

So here’s what I have on navigating the world as someone who does not (or does not primarily, or straightforwardly) live as a man or a woman.* If you’re new to this, I hope it helps. If you’re an old hand, I’d love to hear your advice. It should go without saying that no one should feel obliged to act as I do to have their gender recognised. But…

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By Maesyn


We are hot blooded creatures
of bone and electric potential.
We require exploration
like a thick skinned
Or a cavernous sea.


My depth requires an argonaut to scry within its ocean.
My ribs require ten tender fingers prying with devotion.
O stir the cauldron of my earth with spatulas of motion.
Flaring from eyes, hot fire sighs by searing saline potions

Earth wisdom must be deeply sought with open ears of vision,
my moons and tides swum fearlessly, despite wave’s cool collision
Seek, find and purify by witnessing my skin of Elements
Embody the enigma and embrace effortless elegance

Here she rests
The goddess
Not waiting to be witnessed
Witnessing herself


(waiting patiently to be witnessed)

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