Posts Tagged ‘transgender’

Gender Therapy

Posted: March 12, 2014 in All Things Trans
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I though group therapy was going well for me. But bloody emotions and things that have been pushed to the back of my mind for years and then bring it up and all that trauma surfacing to the top makes someone have an emotional melt down. And I know that is far less except able in a group then one on one therapy setting.

I know I talk to much and I just feel so awkward and lonely in group. For I am such a different guy then all the others. I try to not be a man with an audience of peers. I try to keep my urges of wanting to help another threw my personal experiences and just get help for myself. All I wanted was help to get over all my fears and bull shit aka tape recorders of my family and get free of it all slowly but surely so I could let it go and just be me. And have friends from group and be a part of there life as well as them in mine.

And start finally getting through my emotional transition. *sighs*

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T

Well, Therapy seems to be going well for me. Yet, it feels like my therapist hardly cares about me. She knows that I am broke and semi-homeless at this moment in time. I also understand she has to help the other guys in the group. It just feels to me that she hardly wants to get to know me and really help me. It was nice the first time I saw her and it was one on one. But she twisted my arm about  wanting to go on to Testosterone. And stated to me; the way I took it, that she will only continue to see me if I do start on T.

I understand that artificial hormones for trans folk are great and dandy. But, with my family history of mental illness and all my past junk with my family that I have not been able to get through, I am just an emotional mess at the moment.  As well as not wanting to lose my singing voice that the high power above gifted me with.

As my Big Brother told me with his tattoos, it is an emotional evolution for an internal revolution.

You have to get through all the emotional junk in your head first. Then be  110% sure that you wish to medically transition.

Which in this point in time is hard for me to fathom, getting on hormones.

Due to all the personal turmoil in my mind that I have not been able to release and fully conquered yet.

Anyways…that is how I am feeling about hormones at the moment.

T or not T

Posted: January 31, 2014 in All Things Trans
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Being a courageous man. My therapist had to twist my arm over me waffling about wanting to get on T or not. Might as well try it and see if it is right for me. If not I will just get off of it.

Gender Therapist

Posted: January 31, 2014 in All Things Trans
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Went and saw my Gender Therapist today. We had a very nice session. She threw guy clothes at me and gave me some cologne. Plus she plans on hooking me up with a doctor ASAP so that I can start T and see if it is the right thing for me. Might as well embrace my fears and try. Then not try at all.

What is the point of going on…

When my life has only bought me,

something that I really wish was not.

A person that hides their emotions because it is wrong to show them except when you are alone.

And even then I feel as if I am just a wall.

How does one keep going one?

When everything seems so lost…

 

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