Coming Out- Three Times is the Charm

Posted: January 3, 2013 in All Things Trans
Tags: , ,

So this is how my coming out story goes. When I started my freshman year in high school I was the straight tomboy perfect Christian girl. All my friends where good Christian girls and more on the preppy side but had all their own styles too due to the fact that I lived in Montana back then and it was mostly country girls and a few city girls here and there. Anyways I was 15 ½ at the time and had always been curious about the same sex but I was taught by my grandparents that it is wrong to go that way in life. So I waited until spring when I turned 16 to start dating because that was when I was taught was the right time for me to start to look at the boys but I would always talk to my grandparents about my girl friends and what they would do and hide the crushes I had for them and just change the subject to one of my old friends for elementary school and how handsome my male friends had started to mature into men from boys. But never have that good feeling in stomach when I talked about them like I did when I talked about my girl friends. Thus I decided to test the waters I asked one of my new guy friends if he would date me. It lasted about three days due to the fact he saw me more as his little sister than girlfriend and I was not totally his type which did not bother me at all and we are still good friends to this day. Then I fouled around with another guy after becoming friends with him for a year and didn’t know how to tell him no and just tried stuff in the bed room but it truly was not that fun for me and also told my grandparents 3 months after the fact and had the first and only pregnancy scare due to the fact he didn’t use protection but he never had his male explosion which made things fine in the end. Then I dated my first actual girlfriend behind my grandparent’s backs yet they knew something was up but never said anything about it until I came around the corner one day. So her name is Kimmie and she is a very nice girl. I asked her one day at school if she would like to try dating me in a very cute shy way and in the end she said yes. We never kissed just hugged and held hands and that was enough for me at the time for only being 16 ½ and her 18 or 19 ½ at the time and me so new to dating and the whole sex mumbo gumbo. So one day I was in the car with my Grandma Poppy and she asked me, “So, are you dating Kimmie?” “Yes….Is there an issue with that?” I replied. “Yes…There is something wrong with you. You must like guys still and all that.” My grandmother barked back to me. “Well sure I do. I am Bi okay! I like guys and girls.” I yelled with sobs attached as she drove us both home from school that day. And we were yelling and crying in the car together about this conversation and that is when I took my first step out of the closet. After things didn’t work out with Kimmie some family things came up and I went to my father’s place in California. Me and my grandmother made an adventure of going down there and had fun. I had my second half of junior year in Cali and meet many nice people at my new school, called North High School in California. I learned for a fact after dating another guy and another chick and fouling around in the bed room that I was a lesbian. Step 2 of coming out of the closet. I told my father and he didn’t flip too much. Then told my step mom and she told me that it went against the bible but love who you want to love. And my friends where happy for me and then I moved back to Montana after more family stuff and told my grandparents. And I thought gay bashing was bad after I told them I was Bi. It became even worse with me being lesbian aka gay. But after a while they came to terms with it. I told my mom and she joked with me and told me of her experiment days and we laughed and swapped stories and smiled. And I told all my Montana friends and they told me they already knew and where proud of me. So I tried another girl and she ripped my heart from my chest and I went down into a depression spiral. But I finished high school strong was the Vice President of my schools GSA-Gay Straight Alliance and had tons of fun doing that. Then went to college in Montana, didn’t have the best of times there. Got bashed left and right, I stood tall and took it. I fought for my rights and went to the QSA- Queer Straight Alliance and tried to make things work. But from the depression of my ex that I thought was my soul mate and questioning of college I just went into an even darker world. I rebounded on a few people which was not the best to do and in the end just quit school. After that I joined the Navy. Enlisted as an E1 as a Seamen Recruit and studied my Navy Book and waited 6 months for basic training to come around and was still a lesbian but confused due to the fact my rebounds where men and a woman. But I was still questioning if I was Bi or Lesbian. So I had looked at some transgender sites through the years out of curiosity and just stuck with Lesbian at the time. Went into the Navy and they messed me up thus I go separated. And separation was truly the best place for me. I meet a lot of Rainbows there. And they taught me more about myself. So I meet the love of my life in separation and hated the day I had to go home and could not be with her any more. Started a job back in Montana and started to pounder about myself again. After some time of long distance with my soul mate Laura. I quit my job in Montana and moved down to be with her in Texas. Looked around for jobs everywhere in the little town she lives in with her large family. And in the end am getting a job as a prison guard with the state. Started to talk to my love one on one in person and she told me she would love me no matter what. She figured out that she is pansexual and her mother outed her. Which is a rather entertaining story in its self if she ever wishes to share it, I think all of you readers would enjoy it. So I started to look at the transgender spectrum once again. Read about gender dyshoria and started to think about my life and how I have always felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. The final step out of the closet- Step 3-I am a transman. So I am a pre testosterone transman. I am a queer and a rainbow in its self. I love my girl and will never love anyone but her. I slowly came to terms after telling my girl that I am transsexual and she told her parents for me. Sure her mother thought it is odd but with something that happened at work with her she was and is fine with it. So I have come out of the closet three times and it has been a fun ride. I hope my life with be wonderful with my soul mate at my side and everything with turn out peachy in the end. For I am a transman and will live with that with the rest of my life and am finally fine with my label even if one should never put themselves in a box. It is nice to find a box you can semi fit into none the less.

td;lr- Came out Bi, Come out Lesbian aka Gay, and Now Transgender FTM

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